im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
