Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
