i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
