I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
