she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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