Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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