Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
