i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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