I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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