Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
