just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
