I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
