guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she peed on how many people?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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