Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
