Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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