i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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