I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
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his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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