he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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