Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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