He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
