the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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