Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
