When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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