so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
