Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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