Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
