she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
