Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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