hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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