i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
