I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize