Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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