White coat. Heels.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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