Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
