I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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