There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
