when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
