he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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