am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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