my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
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