glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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