The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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