Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
