If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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