i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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