my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
