I cannot find my penis.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I would ride that face into the sunset
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
