I want to have your abortion
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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