LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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