I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
