Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
