I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
