I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
