And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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