You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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