Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
