dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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