Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
