I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
