naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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