She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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