this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
