So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
