That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
