There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
