Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
