I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
