My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
