Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
