Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
