HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
