boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
