I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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