Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
