I feel like I'm in dance class right now
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
