How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
